The day I decided to continue a relationship with my husband after him telling me about his three month old son, is the day I chose to try.
The day I told my husband that I was ready to meet his six month old son, is the day I chose to give in to fear.
The first night my nine month old stepson spent the night in my home, is the day I chose to be somewhat responsible for his life.
Since those choices, I have been there for first words, first steps, first day of preschool, first trip to Disneyland, first zoo visit, sooo many firsts. I even sacrificed days to get him potty trained ASAP and am very proud of how fast he picked it up. I have literally changed my entire life for him, without hesitation.
My husband and I, before we got married, had so many conversations of how much HE wanted me to be involved in
his our sons life, before I jumped feet first. My husband made it clear, he wanted me to help raise his our son 100% as a mother should (After all, we are a unit). I fell into the role so naturally. I think it had a lot to do with not only how much I loved my husband, but how much I had fallen in love with his our son.
The day I married my husband, I made promises to my new son as well.
Now, this post isn’t to boast about how easy being a step-mom is. It’s actually to vent about how conflicting it can be at times.
On one hand, I have my husband who will always include me in 100%, and on the other are the boundaries that I needed, and still have to learn when it comes to my stepsons mom. In our home, there may be no boundaries on the mother I am to my stepson, but obviously, she is his mother and there is definitely boundaries.
I did my part to literally try and have some type of a relationship with her, and I guess we did for awhile there.
Unfortunately it hasn’t been a walk in the park, and that’s okay. This is new to us, this is new to me. It’s only been five years since I started this journey as a stepmom. The events of last year have left me with no energy to try and mend with my stepson’s mom. I’ll let time take care of that. We could play the blame game, but for what? At the end of the day, she has her view on things and I have mine.
Don’t get me wrong, I hold no hate or anger in my life towards anybody, including her. I’m on a new journey and that journey involves leaving negativity and the past, in the past. The relationship I mended with God last year has allowed me that. It’s allow me to pray on things and move forward. It’s allows me to take the opinion some people may have of me, and know my hearts true intentions. The only place I have a view of is the future.
Stop dwelling on the past.
– Isiah 43:18
I am okay stepping back, I actually prefer it. I worry less now that I have no communication with her. My husband handles all communication, which believe it or not is all I ever wanted. They are the ones who should be dealing with each other, not a middle man.
But, at the end of the day, I am aware that there will be times were I have to see and be around her, and I am totally fine with that. I have given up the dream of this amazing blended family that celebrates his birthdays and miles stones together one day. I am okay having our own version of an amazing blended family, being cordial when necessary.
I will continue to support my husband, help raise his our son, and continue to build our beautiful life together.
Stepmommin’ aint easy, but it has to be done.